April 14th, 2005
Monday can't come faster.
There's some part of me that's dreading this and another part that's looking forward to it somehow.
Current Mood: good
March 17th, 2005
|08:42 pm - Snowed in.|
( Nothing to do with the current situation.Collapse )
The whole school is tense because of all the snow we keep getting. It's like a fucking blizzard outside half the time. I can't say that I mind; I like staying inside. It's only a pity that they won't cancel any classes because of it. That would make my week.
When the hell is Minerva getting back? I haven't heard a thing from her.
I guess it's not important. I guess she must be busy... I mean, I could only expect as much. Or maybe she finally came to her senses and decided to ignore me, since I can't see why she'd even pay attention to me in the first place.
Current Mood: tired
February 28th, 2005
I haven't heard anything from Minerva for a few days.
I'm getting worried whether or not everything is okay. It's not like I'm waiting on every owl that she sends me, or mooning over her or anything. I'm just--I'm worried. About her. I haven't been that way before and I don't know if I like this either.
School has been school. Absolutely nothing happens, ever.
Current Mood: worried
February 23rd, 2005
|11:39 pm - Lost.|
Minerva left yesterday morning, headed back for home with a Portkey. I can only wish her luck. I'm not sure what all of this means and I'm not even sure that I understand it, but if I know what I think I know... I don't know what I'm getting myself into, and that makes me a little nervous. Still, it's not entirely bad... I don't know what to think any more.
I've hardly concentrated at all these past few days. I can't work out what's wrong with me. Or, rather, I can... Perhaps I just don't want to. Perhaps this isn't as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. Perhaps I'm exaggerating.
Perhaps I don't understand any of this at all, which seems to me to be the most logical of them all.
Current Mood: confused
February 16th, 2005
This is stupid. I'm going to go find her. Fuck avoiding her--it gets me no where.
I just have to track down one of those damn elves, first...
Current Mood: determined
So it's after the Yule Ball and term continues on as normal. I'm considering dropping school. It's not doing me any good and I don't want to have to repeat the year, again. Too much of a hassel.
McGonagall Minerva left Hogwarts the other day. I saw her leave, but I didn't say goodbye. I don't quite know what to make of this all any more. Half of me wants to owl her. The other half... It's not worth it. It's not worth all of this trouble that I'm making out of it. But I know what's going on and I know... Hell.
I heard she was back to get her assignements. ...I don't quite know what to do.
( Private.Collapse )
Current Mood: indecisive
November 24th, 2004
|12:58 pm - Yesterday.|
Minerva passed me a note in Transfiguration yesterday, reguarding her situation.
It's not that I'm embarrassed to be seen recieving notes from a girl, it's that... It's not that I'm embarrassed, it's just... It's not that it's Minerva, but it's just-- Safely, I can neutrally say that I hope no one saw us or at least made too much out of it. That's the last thing that I need.
Obviously things still aren't going well with school. But what can you do about that.
Christmas holiday is going to be a nice break.
Current Mood: embarrassed
November 22nd, 2004
|10:33 am - Too late for that.|
If there's one class I detest, it's Ancient Runes. Squiggly lines mean nothing to me. They don't vaugely resemble letters. They don't spell words. They're lines and patterns and nothing more.
So of course on Mondays I have double Runes. Of course I'm stuck in that class for double the time. I should have gone with my best instinct and gone ahead and skivved class.
Ferris Macnair kept going on about the cancelled Dark Arts class. They got rid of it years ago--in my second year, actually, was the first year we went without it. I can't deny it would have been interesting but Macnair wasn't even old enough to have been able to take it. And I'm sick and fucking tired of people bitching about nothing around here.
But he just wouldn't shut it. All through class he's blathering about the course to Gavin Doyle, who's so thick he'll listen to anything just so he doesn't have to talk. Going on and on, about how his father is petitioning to the Minister as we speak, as if we should all be taking note of his father's connection to the Minister of Magic. Last I checked, Macnair's dad was down in the basement of the Minister's staff, on the very lowest rung of the corporate ladder--but Macnair loves to throw his father's weight around like that. As if he's got some sort of influence.
I told him to shut it. He looked me straight in the eye, and said, "I wouldn't expect someone like you to care about this, Moody, but other students are concerned with their schooling."
"I'm concerned about my schooling," I replied. "It's your schooling that I don't give a fuck about."
"Really?" Macnair laughed, and that's when I got sick of it. I got up and left.
The corridors were really empty, because everyone was in class. I had a few cigarettes and glanced over the Hogsmede sign-up sheet, and let the hour end. By the time the bell had rung for lunch to begin, I was halfway across the school. I had to make it back to the Runes room to get my bag and books and things.
The classroom was nearly empty. Oswin, the professor, was the only one in there.
"Moody," she said as I got my stuff together. "You can't just leave the classroom."
"I already did." I shoved my books into my bag. "Too late for can't, but thanks for the thought."
"Don't walk out yet," she said sharply, as I headed for the door. "I haven't finished talking to you yet."
But I've finished talking to you, you old bat. I bit back the words, and turned on my heel to see her better.
"You're going to fail, Moody," she said. "Again, need I remind you."
"No, you don't need to," I said. "I know."
"Then why don't you do something?"
"I don't care."
"Moody, you have the potential, the skill, to be the best in whatever field you would chose. Headmaster Dippit showed us your OWL and NEWT scores--you're very bright."
"It doesn't matter."
"What do you want to do with your life, Moody?"
Don't pretend to care about me. I looked her straight in the eye, a level glare. "I want to get out of school," I answered. "That's all. I just want out."
"You need to have a purpose--without one, you'll just--"
"Thanks for the thought, professor, but I'm doing all right on my own," I answered coldly, cutting her off before she could work herself into a stride. It was easy to walk away, and easy to ignore her calling after me.
Wira Dempsy was waiting outside the door. She beat it when she saw me, but she probably heard everything. The whole school will know before long: Dempsy's one of the worst gossips in this place. She loves to know everyone's buisness.
There's something wrong with me.
Current Mood: apathetic
November 21st, 2004
I can't believe this.
Getting held back once was bad enough. Possibly getting held back twice is not going to be pretty. And you know you should study but you don't.
So it goes.
Current Mood: apathetic